


where the lovelight gleams

by useyourtelescope



Category: Sanditon (TV 2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Christmas, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Mild Hurt/Comfort, New Year's Eve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:14:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 21,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28223730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/useyourtelescope/pseuds/useyourtelescope
Summary: As much as Charlotte has always enjoyed watching Christmas romances unfold in films, she knows they’re far from realistic.But when she learns that her friend James plans to remain at university for Christmas, Charlotte invites him to join her family instead and subsequently discovers that perhaps one holiday season is all it takes to see someone in a new light.
Relationships: Charlotte Heywood/James Stringer
Comments: 19
Kudos: 47





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I actually wrote the beginning of this fic last year, but soon realised I wouldn't have time to finish it for December and put it to one side. I found it in my drafts recently and decided I would finally complete it. It was a little strange to come back to a fic about the kind of holiday that isn't in the cards this year, but I hope you enjoy this piece of escapist holiday fluff.

“Why are you smiling?”

“What?” Charlotte said abruptly looking up from her phone. “I was just texting.”

“I can see that,” Alison replied with a smirk, leaning against the chair opposite her sister at the kitchen table. They were currently at their family home, having recently come home from their respective universities for the Christmas break. “Who are you texting?”

“Just, uh, James,” Charlotte said carefully. 

She knew what sort of comment would follow; ever since Alison had learned that Charlotte had invited James to spend Christmas with the Heywoods she had been teasing her about it, suggesting it had been because she had a crush on him rather than accepting that Charlotte didn’t want a close friend to spend the holiday alone. Given that Alison knew Charlotte had come into the kitchen ten minutes ago to start cooking while she finished up an assignment—he task their mum had left them with while she rounded their siblings up from their last day at school—and Charlotte had clearly been too distracted by her conversation to start her task, it was hardly a surprise when Alison’s smirk only widened. 

“Mmhmm,” Alison said smugly, resting her chin on her hands. 

“Don’t _mmhmm_ me,” Charlotte said defensively. “It doesn’t mean anything is going on.”

“Then why did you have that silly grin when you were texting him?”

“I didn’t,” Charlotte argued, her cheeks heating up inexplicably. In her hands, her phone lit up with another message from him, but the preview only showed that it was an image. She put the phone down on the table and turned it face down so it wouldn’t distract her, belatedly realising that sent a very different message to her sister. Alison’s eyes lit up, now clearly thinking Charlotte was trying to hide something from her. “He just messaged me about his Secret Santa gift and then we started sending each other silly gifs,” Charlotte explained.

Alison mulled this over. “For a uni thing or for our Secret Santa?”

“For our one.”

Due to the size of the extended Heywood family, much of whom came together at Christmas, they had a long-standing tradition where only the children got multiple presents and all the grown-ups did a Secret Santa instead of buying presents for everyone individually. When Charlotte’s parents had agreed James could join them for Christmas he had been added to their Secret Santa. Charlotte had been hoping to convince her father, the usual organiser, to rig the draw and make Charlotte James’ Secret Santa because she’d had the perfect idea of what to get him, but he had firmly insisted that cheating was not allowed. Charlotte had ended up with her Aunt Dee’s husband who she only saw once a year and hardly knew anything about other than he liked cricket so she had asked James for advice on sporting related gifts, while she had been sending James suggestions on what to buy for his Secret Santa giftee, her Aunt Lucy. 

She had been hoping that his Secret Santa would come to her for advice; she knew James would be happy with a box of biscuits or something similar, but she hoped he would get something more wanted.

“So you know who he got?” Alison asked.

“Yeah, Dad had to tell me that so I could let him know.”

“Do people normally tell each other who they got?” Alison asked. “Beforehand I mean?”

It would be Charlotte’s third year participating in the family Secret Santa, but it was Alison’s first time. Charlotte actually found it quite fun, but her sister had been a little moody about not getting many gifts this year, even after Charlotte had reminded her that they still got plenty of chocolates and biscuits, and usually a few small gifts from their aunts too.

“It depends. My first year I told Mum ‘cause I wanted some advice on getting a present for Aunt Dee, but last year I had Dad so I didn’t need to. Do you want some help with yours?”

Alison nodded. “I got your boyfriend.”

Charlotte brightened, before immediately frowning. “He’s not my boyfriend!”

“Secret boyfriend then; just admit you invited him because you didn’t want to be apart at Christmas,” Alison needled.

Charlotte sighed. “I invited him because he doesn’t have family and I didn’t want him to just be alone at uni at Christmas while all our friends are away. Wouldn’t you have done the same for one of your friends?” She realised this maybe wasn’t quite the same for Alison considering she had only been at university for one term compared to Charlotte who was in her third and final year, so she tried again. “At least for Emmy or Beth if they didn’t have anywhere to go?” she said, naming Alison’s oldest friends from school. 

“Sure I would,” Alison said with a shrug. “But you know I haven’t been teasing you just because he’s coming for Christmas, right?”

Charlotte frowned. “Of course you have.”

“No, the Christmas thing is just what confirmed it.”

Charlotte folded her arms, growing more confused. 

“He’s been in _all_ of your stories this semester,” Alison said. “I mean, you’ve mentioned him a lot in the past, but this semester it’s always been ‘ _James and I did this_ ’,” Alison imitated.

“I don’t sound like that,” Charlotte said before she pursed her lips in thought. She supposed she and James had been hanging out a lot more this semester just the two of them, but a lot of that was just working in the library. They were both in their final year and their workloads had ramped up, but she didn’t think there was anything suspicious about having similar study habits. And maybe they had gone to see those two exhibits at the museum together, plus that documentary at the cinema, but that was only because no one else in their mutual friendship group was interested in those things. In the past, she might have tried to convince a boyfriend to go with her, but since she was single there was nothing weird about going with a friend who shared the same interest and not inviting friends she knew wouldn’t like it anyway. 

“I guess we’ve gotten closer,” Charlotte admitted. “But not like that!” she added quickly, at Alison’s raised eyebrow.

Alison shrugged. “Okay, whatever, just tell me something to buy him that’s not expensive but not lame.”

Charlotte smiled, glad she could get someone to buy the gift she had found. Unlocking her phone, she clicked on the message preview out of habit, grinning in amusement at the latest meme James had sent her. Remembering her sister was watching she decided to respond later, and switched to her browser app.

Once she had the right page, Charlotte turned the phone around to show her sister.

Alison was unimpressed. “I said _not_ lame.”

“Why is it lame?” Charlotte asked, her forehead creased in annoyance.

“Hats are so boring.”

“Just ‘cause you don’t like practical gifts doesn’t mean other people don’t. And James will like this. He had one like it, but he lost it on the bus last month.”

“And you couldn’t find the one he had?”

“The colour he had sold out, but he’ll like this one.”

Alison didn’t look convinced but shrugged anyway. “Alright, send me the link,” she said, moving to the kitchen counter. “But don’t blame me if he doesn’t want to date you after he gets a lame Christmas gift.” Alison was halfway to the kettle when she squeaked, having just received a tea towel to the face courtesy of her sister.

Charlotte had met James Stringer on her first week at university after they had been placed in the same floor of their student accommodation. He’d already been in his third year at the time but had ended up in halls with a bunch of freshers as he’d had to take time off the previous year when his father had fallen ill and by the time he knew he was coming back his friends still on campus had already sorted other accommodation. 

They’d become friends easily thanks to their personalities and shared interests, and since his Architecture degree was for five years rather than the standard three he had stayed in town and that friendship had continued. 

It was true that they’d spent a lot more time together this semester than they had during their second year, which Charlotte supposed was partly down to the fact that James and his two housemates had moved into a new place in September which was only a ten minute’s walk away from her student house, and since they had similar schedules they often walked to or from campus together, or back home after a night out if Charlotte didn’t want to wait for her housemates Georgiana and Bex, who never left a party early if they could help it.

They had also been spending a lot of time in the library together, preferring to work on their final year assignments there than in their houses. It was during one of those study sessions that Charlotte had realised he didn’t have any Christmas plans. She had been aware that he’d stayed in his student house for most of the summer, aside from the two-week interrailing trip he and a few of the guys had gone on, but she’d still been surprised to realise he had intended to remain for Christmas too. 

It had been a while now since his father had passed away, but she had assumed he had some distant relations somewhere, like a great uncle or something. With the size of her family, Charlotte couldn’t imagine not having anyone to go home to. But while James had spent the previous Christmas with Fred, his friend from back home, Fred was spending this Christmas with his girlfriend’s family. James hadn’t seemed disheartened, even cheerily telling Charlotte he would go to their local pub for Christmas lunch and make use of the library while campus was quiet, but she had felt sad to think of him there alone, and disappointed in herself that it had taken her so long to realise his situation. 

She had always loved the Christmas break; having so many younger siblings meant that the holidays were always slightly chaotic, but still fun and she looked forward to it every year. Charlotte enjoyed doing little things to make the holidays special for them and keep the Christmas magic alive for the youngest Heywoods. She hadn’t been feeling the holiday spirit much last year since she and Sidney had broken up just before the end of term, and although she had liked spending time with her family, it had been hard to enjoy the cheesy romantic holiday movies she and Alison normally watched after the others had gone to bed when she was dealing with the end of her first serious relationship. But it had been a year since then and she was truly feeling the Christmas spirit again. Though none of the dates Charlotte had been on since had gone anywhere serious, she was certain the Christmas movies would seem fun rather than cringy this year and she wouldn’t be happy to know that one of her closest friends was going to be spending the holidays alone.

The solution to invite him to join them had been obvious. James had seemed reluctant at first, not wanting to put her parents out since he already knew from Charlotte’s stories that it was a rather large affair. But Charlotte had insisted that was exactly why one more would be fine, and once she had called her parents to confirm the invitation, he had agreed. 

As Charlotte had booked her train tickets well in advance, she went home as soon as term finished, but she and James had been texting regularly since, something that never failed to pass Alison’s notice, much to Charlotte’s annoyance.

She could only hope her sister would behave herself and not say anything that might make James feel uncomfortable when he drove down to join them on Christmas Eve. 

When Christmas Eve arrived though, Alison was the last of her siblings she was worrying about. Somehow ever since Charlotte had started university she always managed to forget just how loud the house became when school was off and all the kids were home, and although their school had only been broken up for less than a week by the time Christmas Eve arrived, her youngest siblings in particular were bouncing around the house and stressing her parents out to no end. 

They had behaved similarly in the summer, but since the ones that required attention were all very happily entertained outside, usually running around in one of the local parks with minimal supervision from one of their elder siblings, their parents had plenty of time to get on with any essential jobs around the house and keep things in order. However, in the winter they flipped between wanting to be outside but complaining of the cold when they did so, with half of them refusing to wear the many layers required to keep warm. Charlotte had grown accustomed to picking up a trail of dropped gloves and hats when they had a family outing in the snow, the one event where they could all agree that leaving the house was worth it.

Although there was no snow to be seen in this chilly December, Charlotte had managed, with Alison’s help, to convince most of her siblings to go for a walk into the town centre and see the ice sculpture trail set up for Christmas. Will and Peter hadn’t wanted to come, but as Peter would help their mum out while Will would be too absorbed with his Xbox to get in anyone’s way, getting three out of five out of the house, plus herself and Alison, was still a success.

She had timed their departure to coincide with James’ estimated arrival, but since it was always a mission getting everyone ready to go out, Charlotte had started early. However, Oliver and Sophia were uncharacteristically cooperative, which meant that everyone was outside the house and ready to go before James pulled up. 

Checking the time on her phone, she knew based on his last text that James could only be a few minutes away, but she started to worry about Ollie and Rob’s attention spans if they had to stand around for too long, not to mention them starting to feel the cold and wanting to go back inside. “Why don’t you guys go on without me?” Charlotte suggested to Alison.

Alison looked sceptical, but it was Sophia who protested, “But I want to meet your friend!”

“Me too!” Oliver agreed.

Rob had been fascinated by a snail on the pavement that Alison was trying to discourage him from touching, but on hearing his older brother and sister wanting something, he also called out his agreement. 

Thankfully Charlotte didn’t have to try to convince them to leave as she recognised James’ car coming down the road. She waved to him as he drove past the house to pull into a free space slightly further down the road. 

She expected them to follow her when she walked down to greet him, but she heard Alison telling the others they would have to wait for a little.

“You made it! Merry Christmas,” she said, leaning up to hug him once he had got out of the car. 

“Merry Christmas,” he replied, his arm wrapping around her waist as he returned the hug. When they broke apart, the brightness of his smile caught her unawares and she found herself staring rather than smiling back when he asked how she was.

She blinked, telling herself off for listening to Alison too much. “Yeah—good,” she said, recalling herself to the present. “How are you? How was your drive?” she asked, brightening.

He just had time to tell her it was fine before they heard shrieks from behind Charlotte. She looked over to find Rob happily entertained by something he had spotted in the hedge, but from the looks on Sophia and Oliver’s faces, she suspected the beginnings of an argument.

“Were you guys going out?” he asked. 

“Yeah, I thought we could all go for a walk and see the ice sculptures in the town centre. It’s not far, I just want to get them out of the house for a bit; they’re starting to drive Mum up the wall. Er, do you mind if we go now? Sorry, I know you’ve just driven for ages,” she added, belatedly realising he might just want to rest after his trip.

James didn’t seem put off by the suggestion though. “A walk sounds good,” he said, “I’d like to stretch my legs.”

“Okay great.”

“Is everything okay?” he asked, inclining his head to the house with a concerned look on his face, one akin to when he was still sceptical about her invitation to stay with them for Christmas.

Charlotte quickly assured him there was nothing to worry about. In truth, having the house ready for their guests had clearly been one source of her mother’s stress, but she knew her mum was happy for James to visit and was more worried about her cousin, Charlotte’s Aunt Lucy, who somehow managed every year to make a few choice comments that could set her on edge. But that stress wouldn’t have been an issue if the kids hadn’t kept getting in her way.

“The kids have just been a bit hyper today,” she explained, “so Alison and I volunteered to get them out of the house. But it is a bit of a mission.”

James found that out for himself soon enough as the group of six made their way to the town. James’ presence provided enough of a distraction for the walk to the centre as Sophia and Oliver peppered him with questions, the shy Rob at first alternating between looking at him curiously and hiding his face behind Charlotte’s hand if James glanced his way. However, as he grew used to the additional presence Rob had some questions of his own, and though he was disappointed to learn that James did not know very much about dinosaurs, he was happy to hear that he too liked football. 

As Charlotte had expected the streets with the ice sculpture trail weren’t quite as busy as the ones with the main shops, but there were still plenty of people out since it was Christmas Eve. Given the effort required to keep everyone in check, it was actually quite helpful to have a third person with them, especially considering Sophia’s tendency to dash off since she always wanted to go her own way. With his height, James could easily be seen amongst the crowds, enabling Charlotte to find her way back to the others quicker once she had Sophia in hand again.

She planned to sit down with him and catch up after they returned to the house, but in typical Heywood fashion, things didn’t go to plan. There was just enough time to introduce James to everyone and put his things away before Oliver, Sophia and Rob dragged him to the back garden to play football with them. Charlotte would have intervened, but he looked happy to be led and she certainly knew the kids had plenty of energy left that needed to be used up before bedtime if they were going to get any proper sleep the night before Christmas. If having someone new to play with meant they could entertain themselves and James didn’t mind then she wasn’t going to interrupt.

Charlotte would have joined them, but instead took over from Peter in helping her mum sort things out around the house, before assisting her father with cooking dinner. Their dinner table was large enough for the 10 of them, but it was hardly an easy place to have a proper conversation with any one person, especially when all her youngest siblings wanted to do was talk about Christmas tomorrow. She was glad that her parents and Alison made an effort to keep James involved in the conversation when old family stories came up, even if Charlotte was less pleased about the smirk Alison shot her from across the table when she noticed Charlotte’s elbow brushing up against James, who was sat on her right. They didn’t exactly have a mansion, you were bound to bump into someone occasionally. 

Still, suspecting that Alison hadn’t given up on her theory that James was Charlotte’s secret crush just yet, she decided not to mention the fact that she was going to check on him before bed when she slipped out of the bedroom she was sharing with her two sisters while she was at home. Telling a tired-looking Alison and an already snoring Sophia that she had forgotten to put her Secret Santa present under the tree, she tip-toed down the hallway and into the living room. It was home to the Christmas tree and everyone’s presents, but it was also the place where James was sleeping while he stayed with them. 

She’d always known James was tall, but it was still a little strange to see him laid down on the floor of the living room, his body stretching longer than the coffee table and the couch on either side of him. He was inside the sleeping bag but had only zipped it up to his waist. She could see the bottom of his grey t-shirt, but the rest of his body was obscured by his arms holding up a large book in front of his face.

Deciding to tap on the side of the wall so as not to startle him by loudly announcing herself, she still noticed the slight tensing of his hands on the book before he lowered it just enough that he could see her.

“Hey,” he said with a smile, moving to sit upright and leaning on the base of the armchair behind him.

“Hey,” she replied, walking lightly over to him and taking a seat on the couch, folding her legs underneath her. “I should have known you would still be studying even on Christmas Eve.”

He laughed, glancing down at the architecture book in his hands. “Actually, this isn’t a textbook, it’s just something I wanted to read.”

“You know that’s worse, right?” she said, laughing.

“Hey, I think you’d find it interesting,” he said, passing the book to her so she could take a look.

Charlotte didn’t have to read the back cover for long to agree, though she couldn’t help but tease him a little bit about it. When she’d finished, she moved his bookmark from the back of the book to the page he’d had open before setting it down beside her. “I just wanted to see if you needed anything? I hope it’s not too uncomfortable on the floor.” 

Her mum had planned for James to sleep in Peter’s bed and send Peter the living room, with James joining Will and Peter in the living room only on Christmas night when Aunt Lucy and her family were also staying over, but he had insisted he didn’t want to kick Peter out of his room and was happy to use the sleeping bag for all four nights he was staying over. 

“I’m good. And honestly, it’s fine,” he assured her. “I’ve slept far worse.” When Charlotte looked sceptical, he mentioned a few family camping trips that had not quite gone to plan.

“I always sleep fine when we go camping,” Charlotte said. “But I think that’s just because I get so tired running after the little ones that I pass out no matter how uncomfortable it is.”

James laughed. “Yeah, I bet. But yeah, here I’m warm and have first access to the kitchen tomorrow morning. And don’t forget most important of all,” he added seriously, with the air of someone about to share an important secret, “I have a front-row seat for Santa’s arrival.”

Charlotte giggled, remembering how outraged Sophia and Rob had been after dinner when they realised that James would get such a golden opportunity by sleeping in the living room when they had previously asked to camp out by the tree on Christmas Eve, but not been allowed.

“I’d watch out if I were you,” Charlotte warned jokingly. “I suspect they might try to sneak a peek. And I’ll warn you now, at least one of them is bound to wake up at an ungodly hour to look at the presents under the tree. We did remind them all you were sleeping here and not to disturb you, but they’ll probably forget.”

“That’s okay,” James said smiling. “With football practice before class, I’m used to an early start.”

“True, but it’s not what you want on your break.”

James shrugged. “I don’t mind; It’s kind of fun actually.”

Charlotte was not convinced. “Okay, you are definitely an only child. Take it from someone who has been woken up at five in the morning regularly by their siblings for silly stuff all the time—it gets old fast.”

“Yeah, I can imagine that gets tiring,” he said, smiling. But I meant...I’ve never been in a house full of kids like this; I’d forgotten what it was like to be a little kid in winter, believing in the magic of Christmas.” There was a note of wistfulness as he spoke that struck a chord in her. 

It had been a very long time since Charlotte had known that Santa wasn’t real and all her presents were from her parents, but having so many younger siblings she’d helped with keeping the magic alive for the little ones and she’d enjoyed the role of pretending with them and felt excited just from how happy they were. 

She knew even when James had more of a family to go home to at Christmas that it had always been a small affair, that he would have likely always been the youngest. It wasn’t something he talked about much, but she knew his mother had died while he was still young and she couldn’t imagine a family gathering being quite the same after that. 

She didn’t want to pry into any uncomfortable memories, but she was about to ask him generally about his family Christmases in case he did want to talk about it when they had an unexpected visitor. 

On hearing the sound of footsteps padding against the stairs, Charlotte first wondered if her parents had come down to add the presents from ‘Santa’ underneath the tree, even though she vaguely thought they normally waited until slightly later in the night to do so, to be sure everyone was asleep.

However, as the figure descended she soon realised it was her brother Oliver, his swift steps coming to an abrupt halt when he realised his eldest sibling was staring at him from the sofa. 

“What are you doing here?” he asked, frowning at his sister from the bottom step.

“I think the question is what are you doing here, Ollie?” she countered, resting her chin over hands on the top of the sofa. “You were supposed to be in bed an hour ago.”

He continued to frown as he looked past her, and she wasn’t sure if his gaze meant he had come to speak to James, because he’d been very excited earlier to realise that James had also played his newest favourite video game but it had been just before he’d been sent to bed, or if he was looking past him at the Christmas tree by the mantlepiece, making an early attempt to investigate his presents. Oliver was old enough that he knew the truth about Santa and had even surprised them all by not telling his younger siblings. However, now that he knew the presents were from his parents he had no qualms about trying to shake them and guess at what they contained before he was allowed to open them, but he knew this was frowned upon and so had to do this in private. 

“I _was_ in bed. I want some water,” he replied, one hand still on the bannister.

Charlotte suspected this was a lie, especially since he had been sent to bed with a full glass of water and she would have expected him to have brought the glass with him if he really had drunk it already. However, she decided not to call him on it in front of James and instead led her brother into the kitchen, which connected onto the living room through a sliding door, to help him in this task. At the grand age of nine, Oliver was normally in the habit of proclaiming he was old enough to do a great many things by himself, and his lack of opposition to Charlotte’s assistance and subsequent escort to his bed suggested to her that he knew he had been caught.

Her decision to ensure he went to bed further delayed her return to her bed for Rob had woken up when his brother had left the room, and though he likely would have settled himself again on Oliver’s swift return if it had been solitary, on seeing Charlotte Rob insisted he needed another bedtime story to fall back to sleep. A reminder that he had already had one from his mother when she had put him to bed was responded to with a slightly quivering lip that _Charlotte_ hadn’t read to him. She always struggled to deny that cherubic face anything, and at his pout, she sighed before going to the bookshelf to retrieve a story. 

By the time she went back down the stairs she was yawning so on reaching the living room she wasn’t surprised to find that James had added a blanket on top of his sleeping bag, turned to his side and gone to sleep. 

Although he had turned off the lamp he had been reading by, there was enough moonlight creeping in through the cracks in the curtains to light Charlotte’s way, especially in a house she knew as well as this one. Still, she kept her eyes on James as she moved slowly through the room to ensure she didn’t wake him, but as she did so Charlotte couldn’t help but notice a subtle change in him.

It was strange really, she’d known James for years now, seen him in many situations; excited after his team had won a cricket match, tipsy after a night out, stressed before final exams. She’d never seen him look so restful before, the soft light on his face making him look younger.

“Are you watching me sleep?”

“No!” Charlotte uttered immediately, startled into a louder response than she would have liked. “No,” she repeated, more softly this time. “I was just trying not to disturb you.”

James had opened one eye now and was looking at her with a strange expression, a cross between amusement and curiosity, and let out a low murmur in response.

It was clearly meant to be teasing, but some combination of the late hour and his drowsiness had put a gravelly tone through his already deep voice, and the sound sent an unwelcome shiver through her spine.

“Did you know it was me?” Charlotte wondered.

“I didn’t reckon the kids would be so quiet,” he replied, the deeper timbre still noticeable. She didn’t know what to think of the resultant strange feeling in her toes and decided she was very much in need of sleep herself. 

“Right. Um. Well. I hope you get to sleep okay.”

He returned the sentiment, but the smile on his face was a little too soft for her to feel comfortable and Charlotte soon wished him goodnight again before she fled to her bedroom.

Sophia was still snoring softly, but Alison was scrolling on her phone and looked up with a frown as Charlotte entered the bedroom.

“What took you so long?” Alison grumbled from her single bed. 

“Rob was awake and wanted a story,” Charlotte explained as she got into the double bed she was sharing with Sophia.

Instead of going back to her phone, Alison continued to stare at her sister’s face. “Why are your cheeks so flushed?”

“I’m cold,” Charlotte whispered, reaching up to turn off the bedside lamp before bringing the covers up around her. “Go to sleep.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this. Most of the fic is already written so Part 2 will be up on Thursday. In the meantime you can find me [here on tumblr](https://useyourtelescope.tumblr.com/post/638150029329285120/where-the-lovelight-gleams-sanditon-fanfiction). 💚


	2. Chapter 2

When Charlotte woke on Christmas morning she was surprised to realise Sophia and Alison had risen without waking her and her eyebrows rose when she looked at her phone and saw that she’d been allowed to stay in bed until seven-thirty. It was such a late start for any morning in the Heywood house, but most particularly on Christmas that Charlotte momentarily wondered if something had happened, except, in that case, she knew she’d have been called upon for assistance. 

On hearing someone grumble, “See she  _ is  _ awake,” she looked to the door and noticed Ollie and Sophia peering from behind it. She suspected their bickering may have been the sound that woke her up, but it was preferable to when they used to jump on her bed.

“Good morning,” she said, moving to sit upright.

“You have to get up,” Oliver informed her. “Dad says we can’t start opening presents until everyone is awake.”

Charlotte rubbed her eyes and said with amusement, “Merry Christmas to you too.”

“Merry Christmas, Charlotte,” Sophia said excitedly, running onto the bed and sitting in Charlotte’s lap.

“Merry Christmas, Soph,” she replied, hugging her.

Oliver begrudgingly wished his sister a Merry Christmas before waiting a long moment to remind her that her presence was very much required in the living room so they could open the small presents they were allowed to open before their Christmas meal.

Charlotte assured him she would join them soon, expressing surprise that he had waited for quite so long to fetch her. When Ollie and Sophia informed her that they had been told by their parents to let her wake up when she wanted to rather than disturbing her, she was still somewhat bewildered that they had listened; if nothing else, Rob normally came to wake her in the mornings when he wanted something instead of their parents. However, once she reached the living room she understood why he was otherwise entertained, for he was busy showing James his dinosaur toys while Will and Alison played Mario Kart beside them. 

The sight was equal parts amusing as it was relieving, watching James sitting amongst her family looking perfectly comfortable quashed any of her remaining worries about him feeling awkward during the holiday.

The early morning was pleasant with them opening the small gifts of chocolate and biscuits in advance of their larger presents they could open later, but it wasn’t long before they had to get to work. Considering the family was nine people to begin with, plus an additional seven family members and James all in attendance, a lot of work was required on Christmas morning to prepare their meal no matter how much was done in advance. Alison and their Dad had been tasked with the first shift of looking after the younger three children while Peter and Will helped their mother with the food in the kitchen. Charlotte and James were also on food preparation duty and had been set up on the dining table with a few large piles of vegetables to prepare. 

She suspected her mother had paired her with James on purpose, though not for the kind of romantic purpose Alison might have dreamed up — after an attempt to set Charlotte up with her friend’s son while she was still at secondary school had turned out very badly, her mum had promised to never try to matchmake for her daughter again. Instead, she imagined it was a kind-hearted attempt to let Charlotte spend some one-on-one time with her friend before the rest of the Heywoods descended and the chaos in the house only increased. 

“Thanks for helping,” Charlotte said as they got to work. “It is your holiday too, no one would mind if you just wanted to chill.”

James shook his head, smiling as he continued to peel the potato in his hand. “Peeling some veg is the least I can do considering your parents are letting me stay over. Besides, it’s not exactly stressful work.”

“Have you got work when you get back to campus? You said you were going back on the twenty-eighth, right?” she said.

This was the correct date, but James told her he didn’t have any shifts at the part-time job he held with a local contractor until after the New Year.

“Well, I know from the group chat that most of the guys aren’t back until the weekend after New Year’s, so let me guess…you’re going to spend all your time alone at home studying?”

“Not all of it,” he countered. “I might do some studying in the library as well.” 

She shook her head though it was hard not to smile in response to his cheeky grin. “I’ve seen how much time you’ve spent in the library this term,” Charlotte replied, ignoring the beep signalling a notification on her phone. “I’m sure you’ve made good progress on your assignment.”

James admitted that he had. “But this one is a major part of my final grade and I just don’t feel completely happy with it.”

“I get that. But I think that’s why you should have a break and look at it with fresh eyes later.”

“That’s what I’m doing now,” he said, holding up the veg in his hand for her inspection.

Charlotte laughed but on noticing her phone had continued to beep, her curiosity overtook her so she wiped her hands and picked up her phone. 

The notifications were coming from the group chat between their group of friends who had lived together in their first-year halls. Bex who Charlotte still lived with, even if a houseshare of three was very different to the crowded halls they had met in, had started off the conversation with a short video of herself by the Christmas tree in her parent’s house wearing one of the most obnoxious Christmas jumpers Charlotte had seen in a long time, with actual working twinkle lights blinking through holes in the fabric. Bex’s funny facial expression as she pointed to the lights made Charlotte giggle. 

She lifted her head to look at James. “Have you seen these?” she asked since he was in the same chat.

“No, my phone’s on silent.”

He pulled it out of his jeans pocket to take a look, and they laughed at some of the responding pictures sent by their friends. None had a Christmas jumper that could match up to Bex’s one yet, but there were some amusing slogans. 

Charlotte stood, telling James they needed to respond with one of their own. He agreed but was initially confused as to why they needed to stand for it.

“This isn’t Christmassy enough,” Charlotte said, gesturing around them. They had a bit of tinsel strung up in the dining room, but the living room was where the main Christmas decorating had occurred inside the Heywood household.

“Will this make it more Christmassy?” he asked, holding up a bowl of brussel sprouts. 

Charlotte laughed, before telling him they should go to the living room. It didn’t take much urging for him to follow her and she was glad to discover that the others were in the back garden so the room was empty. James humoured her when they were stood by the tree, letting her position him where she thought best for the picture. 

When she was happy with his placement, she stood in front of him to take the photo. As she moved closer to him, she caught a pleasing hint of his woodsy cologne though after looking at the preview she changed her mind about which arm she was taking the selfie with, since her original choice wasn’t capturing the particular decorations she had wanted to be included.

“How long do I need to hold the pose for?” he asked, amused by her indecision.

“You’re just standing, it’s not hard,” she said, glancing over her shoulder at him to roll her eyes. 

Her new position seemed to have what she wanted, so Charlotte took the picture. James took this as his cue to move away but no sooner had Charlotte brought the phone near her face than she made a sound of displeasure at what she saw. 

“Did we blink?” he guessed.

“No, but I look terrible,” she pouted.

“You don’t look terrible.”

She glanced up at him and raised her eyebrows suspiciously. “You haven’t seen the photo.”

“But I can see you,” he said with such certainty that it would have been hard for her to continue to meet his eyes if not for the fact that she was suddenly very intrigued by the warmth she saw there.

Her silence seemed to make him reconsider his words, his gaze flickering to the side for a moment before returning to her interested look.

“I mean,” he said carefully, “you look nice. Uh.” He cleared his throat. “Festive.”

“Thanks,” Charlotte said, though the compliment suddenly made her feel a little embarrassed about her outfit and she tugged on the bottom of her jumper. As much as she liked to wear the latest styles when she went out at university, she had never chosen to go for a stylish option on Christmas day, partly because she enjoyed getting into the festive spirit with cheesy outfits and partly to give herself plenty of room to eat her mother’s Christmas feast. The reindeer jumper she was wearing atop a loose skirt and leggings was a far more comical Christmas offering than the comfortable-looking patterned jumper James had on, which was somehow both festive and stylish. She couldn’t help but note the dark green was a nice colour on him.

“Um, you look nice too,” she said, but she regretted it a second later for it only increased her awkwardness.

“Thanks,” he replied easily, seeming a lot more comfortable than she felt.

Charlotte glanced down to her hands which reminded her of the photo on her phone screen. Perhaps it wasn’t  _ terrible  _ exactly, but the angle she had taken the photo at in order to include the sparkly bauble she loved did make her face look rather odd. 

She was pursing her lips in thought when she heard James offer, “We can take it again if you really want.”

“Do you mind?” she asked, looking up. “I was trying to get this bauble in because it’s my favourite, but the angle makes my face look weird.”

Once they repositioned themselves against the tree, Charlotte realised it was best for James to take the picture, explaining, “You have longer arms.”

“Happy?” he said once he had complied with her request and passed her phone back to her.

She gave it a short examination before she smiled. “Yes, that’s much better,” Charlotte said, pleased. “Thank you.” She bumped her shoulder against his playfully, though her smile flickered when this drew her attention to the firmness of his arm. 

She knew he played more than one sport regularly so it shouldn’t have been a surprise to feel that he had a certain amount of muscle, but Charlotte still felt her voice sounded somewhat unlike herself when she suggested they return to the dining room to complete their work on the vegetables.

However, once they had returned to their peeling and chopping she soon felt normal again, and she enjoyed hearing his stories about everything that had happened on campus after she had come home since she had been one of the first of their group to leave for the holidays. 

The time they spent catching up was all the more appreciated for the lack of it later. Charlotte noticed that, for all the build-up to Christmas Day, it passed in just as much of a whirlwind as ever. As soon as the first of her aunts arrived the already crowded Heywood house became cramped, but she wasn’t complaining. She was always glad to see her Aunts Dee and Lucy and their families and when they sat down for their Christmas meal it was as excellent as ever, even if she had to eat it in shifts, scrambling back and forth between the dining and living rooms to check on everyone.

The food had become her highlight of the day, but for some of her siblings, it was, of course, the present opening that followed and Charlotte had grown to enjoy watching everyone open their presents almost as much as she did getting hers. This year her Secret Santa present had been from Aunt Lucy, who had bought her some nice looking makeup so she was very content with her gift. She’d been busy helping Sophia open one of her presents when James had been opening his, but she saw him thanking Alison for it who thankfully seemed to be chatting normally with him, without making any awkward hints. 

He was even wearing his gifted woolly hat when they went out for a walk that evening; Will and Oliver and insisted their cousins needed to see some of the decorations their neighbours had outside their houses because although the Heywoods tended to do most of their decorating indoors, there were a few houses in their area that truly went all out. 

“You look happy,” Alison said to her sister as they made their way down the street. They had found themselves at the back of the group as they sometimes did during periods of calm while they were supervising the kids. Most of them were engrossed with pointing things out to their cousins, while Peter and James seemed to be deep in discussion about a recent football match. 

Charlotte glanced at her, surprised by the random observation. “Is that leading somewhere?” she wondered.

“No,” Alison said. “I was just thinking you were really down last Christmas.”

“You’ve seen me since last Christmas,” she reminded her.

“I know, but...you love Christmas. I’m glad you’re having a better time this year.”

“Thanks. Me too. I actually—ah—” Charlotte cut herself off when she realised she suddenly had a sneeze coming on. This would not have been particularly concerning, except that when she did sneeze, the force of it took her off guard and she slipped on the frozen pavement and very likely would have fallen to the ground had she not caught herself by catching hold of the nearby tree. 

“Charlotte,” Alison exclaimed, quickly putting a hand on her sister’s back to steady her.

This caught the others attention and everyone stopped and turned around to see what had happened. 

“I’m okay,” Charlotte said to the concerned faces. It didn’t take her long at all to straighten herself with Alison’s help but by the time she had Oliver and Will had already turned back ahead. The others slowly followed suit, but Rob broke away from Sophia and ran back to join his eldest sisters.

“Are you okay, Charlotte?” he asked, his small face downturned into a concerned frown.

“I’m fine Rob,” she assured him, smoothing a gloved hand across his cheek. “I just slipped, nothing to worry about.”

He considered this for a moment. “Hold hands so you don’t fall,” he said, repeating advice he had been told many times in his young life and offering his hand up to hers.

She smiled and took his hand, thanking him for assisting her as they started walking again.

“You know, it’s a shame you weren’t walking with James so he could have caught you,” Alison whispered.

Charlotte darted her gaze ahead to make sure James hadn’t heard before narrowing her eyes at her sister. Perhaps it was too much to ask that Alison would go the entirety of his visit without making any kind of comment, but Charlotte was already a little embarrassed from her own observations the previous night and this morning—not to mention some of the messages she had got from university friends after she had sent the picture of the two of them. The main group chat had only featured Christmas greetings, but she’d had a separate group chat with just Bex and Georgiana since the three of them moved in together at the start of their second year and Bex had sent a gushing message about how  _ cute  _ she and James looked together, while Georgiana had followed this with a string of suggestive emojis. It was one thing to get a few comments from her sister when she was only home for a few weeks, she did not want to deal with that kind of teasing the rest of the year. 

“It’s what would have happened in a film,” Alison said, shrugging her shoulders. 

She shook her head, laughing. “Speaking of films, what are we watching tonight?”

By the time they returned home they had made a plan of which Christmas film they would watch every night until they went back to their universities, but in the end, they stayed up talking so late with their visiting family that neither felt they were likely to stay awake for a feature-length film. 

They watched a Christmas tv special instead on Alison’s laptop in their bedroom, which Sophia had insisted she would join them for, then promptly fell asleep ten minutes into. 

Charlotte left her in between them on the double bed during the special, waiting until it was done and Alison had moved over to her single bed, to tuck Sophia in properly. Instead of following suit, Charlotte decided to go to the kitchen and get some water.

She had to walk through the living room to get there, and since it was currently the sleeping quarters for James, Peter and Will she did her best to be quiet, but when she opened the door to the kitchen she couldn’t help a startled shriek escaping her lips when she saw a shadow moving out of the corner of her eyes. 

She clapped her hand over her mouth, pausing mid-step to check that she hadn’t woken anyone with her accidental outburst and allow her elevated heartbeat to return to normal. It was evident now that it was just James standing up—despite Peter's growth spurt last year, which had made him an extremely gangly fifteen-year-old, he still wasn’t as tall as James. 

“Sorry,” he whispered when he reached her. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Charlotte shook her head, dropping her hand now that her heart wasn’t racing anymore. She led him into the kitchen, closing the door behind them and turning on the light before saying, “It’s okay, it’s my fault. I should be apologising for waking you.”

“No, I was up anyway,” he said gently.

She smiled back before moving to the cupboard and getting a glass. She offered him a drink before getting her own, but he turned it down. “Sorry if you can’t fall asleep.”

“It’s not the sleeping bag,” he assured her. “I’m perfectly comfortable.”

“Peter’s snoring?” she guessed. 

“No,” he said with a laugh. “I was just reading for a while.” She would have teased him about this but he continued, “I’m glad you’re up though, I wanted to talk to you.”

“You did?” Charlotte said, suddenly feeling her chest tighten in curiosity and building anticipation. 

“Yeah, just give me a minute.”

He left the kitchen, but as he didn’t shut the door behind him she could see him opening his backpack in the corner of the other room. He returned shortly after with a narrow roll wrapped in plain brown paper with a red string tied around the middle. 

“What’s this?” she said.

“Merry Christmas,” was all his explanation.

Charlotte’s expression softened into a small smile. “James,” she said, as chiding as she could be while still keeping her voice low. “I told you that you only needed to bring a Secret Santa gift.”

“I know,” he said, “but I wanted to get you something to say thank you for inviting me. I—“ he paused, considering for a moment. “It’s been really nice to spend Christmas with your family,” he said and she could see the feeling behind it.

“Well, everyone has really enjoyed having you here too so you really didn’t need to get me anything but I appreciate it, thank you,” she said. 

“Don’t get your hopes too high,” he said with a lop-sided smile. “It’s only a little something.”

Charlotte giggled, putting her glass down so she could pull on the ribbon and open her gift.

Perhaps unsurprisingly given the shape of the parcel, it was a rolled-up poster. Charlotte took a moment to put the paper and string on the counter before unfurling the small poster—it was an abstract design, but it appealed to her immediately. She could picture exactly where it should go in her bedroom when she was back at university.

“I thought you might like it.”

“I do like it,” she confirmed. “It’s great. Thank you.” As she rolled it back closed she said, “I feel bad now that I didn’t get you anything.”

“You invited me for Christmas, I think that’s more than enough. Plus, I’m guessing you had a hand in my Secret Santa gift.”

Charlotte avoided his gaze. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said carefully, a smirk playing on her face. “A woolly hat is a very standard winter gift.”

“Almost identical to my old one?”

James’ raised eyebrow caused her to giggle. “Okay, I guess I did help a little.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. I—I’m glad you’ve had a good time. I guess it must be a little awkward to join someone else’s family – and there’s so many of us, I hope it hasn’t been too overwhelming.”

James shook his head. “It was definitely different. The biggest Stringer family Christmases ever got were six people and I was still pretty young then. But it’s been really nice, everyone’s been great. I’ve enjoyed your family traditions.”

Charlotte adjusted her stance so she was leaning nearer him. “Did you guys have any family traditions?”

James moved to rest his hip on the counter as he considered for a moment. “Nothing out of the ordinary,” he said finally. “My grandmother would like to tell lots of stories when she was still alive. When it became just me and my Dad we didn’t do much more than eat and watch telly really,” he said, lifting one shoulder in a half shrug. “But Fred’s family have some interesting Christmas traditions.”

“Like what?”

“Like everyone gets an orange.”

“An orange?” Charlotte repeated, her incredulity outweighing the sad feeling she had begun to feel when thinking of James’ former Christmases. “To do what with?”

“Just to eat,” he said, laughing at her confusion. “Though his brothers did like to play this game of seeing who could juggle the most successfully before opening them. Apparently, the orange is just a traditional family gift that they’ve always done at Christmas. He didn’t realise it wasn’t something that everyone did for years.”

“Well, now I feel like I should have an orange for you,” Charlotte said looking over to the fruit bowl, which, though full of fruit, did not have any oranges. “Can I interest you in a pear?” she asked.

“No thanks. I don’t really do late-night snacks, to be honest,” he said.

Charlotte laughed. “How boring would it be if we were late-night snacking and we just got fruit.”

“What would be appropriate for late-night snacking then?”

“Chocolate, obviously. I mean I’d say it’s because it’s Christmas, but I don’t understand why you’d be craving something else late at night.”

“Joe has toast for his late-night snacks,” James said of one of his housemates back at university. “You know about that time last year he accidentally turned the timer up and the whole house smelled like burnt toast, right?”

She now remembered hearing the story, which recalled to her some of the strange kitchen mishaps that had occurred when they had been in halls together, most by students they hadn’t kept in close contact with. They were discussing the time they had all ended up having to evacuate twice in one night after someone on another floor of their building had set the alarms off when the clock chimed, drawing their attention to the fact it was midnight.

“Happy Boxing Day,” James said softly. 

Charlotte smiled, returning the greeting. Well aware that she was unlikely to be allowed a second lie-in, she knew it would be sensible to go to bed now. However, it did occur to her how nice and content she felt just talking to James—thinking about it, she supposed she always did. But before she could remind herself that this was a normal, friendly thing her eyes caught on his hair, mussed from having been lying down and the fleeting thought that the curls on his forehead looked very inviting was not friendly at all.

This would likely have made her momentarily tongue-tied except she then let out a yawn, so large she struggled to hide it behind her hand.

“Sorry,” she apologised.

He shook his head before he yawned too. “It’s late—we probably should be in bed,” he said, stretching one of his shoulders out.

It took Charlotte a moment to respond, her eyes drawn first to his large hand lifting to cover his mouth, then to the sliver of skin above the waistband of his sweatpants that had been revealed when he stretched.

“Uh, yes,” she said before they wished each other goodnight and parted ways. When she returned to the bedroom, Charlotte didn’t need the vanity mirror to tell her that her cheeks were warm for reasons other than the weather. Thankfully, Alison was already dozing so Charlotte didn’t have to lie to her sister once again. She got into bed, resolving to put the thought from her mind but that turned out to be far easier said than done. 

Boxing Day was normally just as fun, if not more so than Christmas Day since it didn’t have the added pressure, even if some of the children—mainly Ollie—sometimes felt down after looking forward to Christmas for so long. The fact that it started raining heavily in the morning wasn’t a good sign, but they managed to entertain everyone well enough indoors with various games, a combination of yesterday’s presents and old favourites. Charlotte enjoyed herself during the day, but she also found herself being rather distracted by James. 

He made a good partner when they all played Trivial Pursuit, but her attention was less drawn by his many correct answers than by his person. She didn’t notice his cologne as much today, but he had another festive jumper on, a looser fit than yesterday so it didn't show off his arms so well, but it still looked cosy and attractive. And when he beat a frowning Will at their video game his grin was so bright, Charlotte found herself unable to do anything but meet it with one of her own when he glanced her way. This would, of course, have been a perfectly normal reaction if not for the way her heart suddenly raced at the mirth in his eyes.

She instantly looked around to see if anyone—mainly Alison—had noticed, but her sister was too busy talking to Peter about some band they both liked on the other side of the room to have seen anything. 

Thinking perhaps she needed a minute alone, Charlotte went to the loft to get some old toys that Sophia had been asking for. This turned out to be a mistake when it set her off sneezing, not only while she was in the loft, but for a while afterwards and left her with an increasingly itchy nose in the afternoon. 

There were plenty more opportunities to keep a little distance between herself and James, even after Aunt Lucy and the cousins all went home, but Charlotte strangely felt she didn’t particularly want to. But that in itself was a confusing thought. 

They had known each other for so long; surely if something more than friendship was going to happen between them it would have already happened by now? 

She supposed it hadn’t been long after they met that she started dating Sidney. James briefly dated a couple of girls that year before he met Anne at the beginning of second year, but they’d broken up just before the summer holidays. She hadn’t thought about it before, but after that first month of knowing each other, neither of them had been single at the same time until a few months ago, and they had been spending a lot more time together since then. 

But she hadn’t really considered him in a romantic light until Alison put the suggestion in her mind at the start of the holidays. 

Perhaps she was just feeling curious; she was ready for a new relationship and James was someone she knew and felt comfortable with and found attractive—however, the same could be said for many of her friends and she hadn’t started to feel a strange fluttering in her chest when any of them had smiled at her. 

It was the kind of confusing feeling she would normally feel the need to discuss with Alison or Georgiana, but it was difficult to find space for a private conversation in such a busy house, and she certainly wasn’t going to risk having it while James was still in the same house. 

She told herself to stop being silly at nighttime when the kids went to bed and she could no longer put two of them in between her and James at all times. It was time for her and Alison to finally watch their Christmas movie together, and as James was the only one who would be sleeping in the living room again and was happy to watch it with them, they put the film on the tv rather than Alison’s laptop. 

James took the armchair, while Charlotte shared the sofa and a large blanket with her sister and they passed various chocolate selection boxes between them as they watched the film. Although the film was more of a favourite of Alison’s than hers, Charlotte still enjoyed it, but she assumed her tiredness from the past two days was catching up to her when she felt herself starting to nod off in the second half. She had jolted her head up abruptly for the second time when James and Alison noticed. They suggested turning it off, but Charlotte insisted that she would be fine to watch the rest, considering there was only half an hour left. 

The next thing Charlotte knew she was blinking into the darkness. She yawned, realising she had fallen asleep and woken up in the middle of the night. Drowsy as she was, she didn’t quite register what the unusual feeling underneath her back meant until she turned over to go back to sleep and promptly rolled off her perch and onto the floor—right next to James. 

She felt wide awake now as she realised she had not been in her bed as her sleepy self had assumed; she had been lying on the couch, which was much narrower than her bed.

James had startled awake at her fall, though she could see it took him a few seconds to realise what had happened.

“Charlotte?” he said, lifting a little in surprise. “Are you alright?”

“I think so.”

He had been sleeping with his back to the floor, but he turned to face her, his hand moving the hair out of her face so he could see it better—or as well as he could by the dim moonlight. “Are you sure? You might be bruised.”

He was checking her face, but she had managed to catch herself on her hands before her face had hit the ground. Her hands still felt heavy from her handing and there had been a sharp pain in her knees, but at least that had subsided. There was the possibility she would bruise, but it wasn’t her overriding concern at the moment. “Just my ego,” she said and turned slightly so he could see her face better to prove she wasn’t hurt.

He smiled a little at her joke, though she could see his eyes were still searching her face in concern. 

Although it was still dark, they were so close she could see the moment his expression changed as he realised his hand had remained on the side of her face. Charlotte kept her eyes on him, trying to appear nonchalant, but although her overriding feeling should have been one of embarrassment, the heat of his palm against her cheek suddenly made her feel very shy.

“I’m glad you’re okay,” he said, withdrawing his hand.

The part of her face that he had touched felt warmer somehow than her hands when she had landed on them. “I’m sorry I woke you,” she whispered.

“No, it’s okay.”

They weren’t touching anymore, but their faces were close enough that she could feel the air moving when he spoke. “I won’t believe you if you say you were already awake,” she said, teasing.

He smiled wider then. “It’s fine. It could have been much worse,” he said. 

Charlotte realised all of a sudden that it could have been. If he had been set up nearer the sofa rather than the coffee table she could have easily have fallen on top of him rather than the floor. It might have been less painful on her knees, but it would have been infinitely more awkward. 

“Alison said not to wake you and just let you sleep here,” he continued.

Her visions of what it might have felt like to have his body pressed up against hers disappeared entirely at his words. She had a moment’s unkind thought against her sister before she pushed it from her mind. Her sister’s intentions in leaving Charlotte to sleep on the sofa instead of disturbing her slumber had likely been kind. And even if Alison had indeed had matchmaking in her thoughts when she had left James and Charlotte to sleep in the same room, she could hardly have expected Charlotte to actually fall off the sofa and land next to him.

Alison must have thought that the two of them in the same room when one was on the floor and the other the sofa would look innocent enough if anyone else came through to go to the kitchen and saw them. But when Charlotte had fallen she’d pulled the blanket down with her and if someone walked in now it would look like she was sleeping beside James on the floor—definitely not something she wanted anyone, particularly her parents, to see. 

But that thought wasn’t quite enough to draw her away from where she lay, for she didn’t want to look away from his rapt gaze.

Until she felt the overwhelming urge to sneeze. 

Charlotte rolled onto her back abruptly in preparation, but the urge soon passed, leaving only a persistent discomfort in her nose. 

“Um, sorry again,” she said to the ceiling, feeling his gaze on her, but not wanting to explain.

“It’s fine,” he replied.

“I’m going to go to bed,” she said decisively, but it was still a few seconds before she could convince herself to stand and leave the room. 

Despite her racing thoughts, she did her best to go quietly into the bedroom and under the covers, not an easy feat when Sophia was sprawled over far more than her side of the bed they were sharing. But eventually, Charlotte managed to climb over her sister and pull the covers up around herself without waking Sophia or Alison. Far harder was the task of returning to sleep when she could still picture James’ face so close to hers, could still feel the sensation of his rough thumb on her cheek. 

She turned her head so that cheek was pressed against her pillow and closed her eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 💕 The next chapter will be up in a few days.  
> You can find me [here on tumblr](https://useyourtelescope.tumblr.com/post/638150029329285120/where-the-lovelight-gleams-sanditon-fanfiction).


	3. Chapter 3

Charlotte was plumping up the bedroom pillows on the morning of the twenty-seventh when her mother entered, a distinct frown on her face.

“Is something wrong?” Charlotte asked, moving away from the newly-made bed. 

“How are you feeling? I could hear you sneezing from the other room,” she said. 

“I’m fine,” Charlotte replied, an automatic reaction after years of enduring minor illnesses in order to help look after the rest of her family. She had only sneezed a couple of times that day so although her nose was a little runny she didn’t think there was anything to warrant the concern on her mother’s face.

Her mother ignored her and felt Charlotte's forehead with the back of her hand.

“Mum, I don’t have a temperature.”

Her mother was forced to agree that she did not have a temperature, but she still did not look pleased. “No, thankfully not. But I notice you have a tissue packet in your pocket.”

She had put one in her jeans pocket because of the runny nose, but she didn’t think this was a serious concern, which she explained. “I feel fine. A runny nose is perfectly normal in this weather.”

“When you’re outside maybe, not inside a warm house when you keep sneezing as well.” Before Charlotte could remind her that she had only sneezed a few times, her mum continued, “I’ve been talking to James.”

Now it was Charlotte’s turn to frown. “What do you mean?”

“Well, he’s going back tomorrow and I asked him if he wouldn’t mind taking you with him.”

Charlotte’s face dropped. “What? Mum! I’ve got my train booked for the thirtieth.”

Her mother softened at Charlotte’s stricken look and touched her cheek. “I know, honey, but I’m worried you’re going to get sick, and then you’ll have to make that long train journey all by yourself. Or what if you’re too sick to even make the train that day?” She didn’t mention the significant expense of buying a late train ticket if she had to change it, but it immediately crossed Charlotte’s mind. 

However, as she felt the same as she had yesterday aside from the addition of a runny nose, she didn’t think it was a serious concern. “If I have anything it’s a cold, I’m sure I’ll manage.” 

“But you don’t want to risk it, sweetie.” When Charlotte still frowned, she went on, “We’ll all miss you leaving a few days early, of course, I’d just feel much better if James was driving you back instead of worrying about you on the train. And you’d have to get the bus from the station after with all your things.”

She hadn’t packed light exactly, given she had brought plenty of clothes home to do laundry, but not enough for this concern to weigh on Charlotte’s mind either. However, when Sophie and Rob ran into the room shortly after, excitedly calling for Charlotte to play with them, a different consideration came into mind. 

She knew from experience how difficult things could get in the crowded Heywood house if an illness, however mild, passed through the family. There was another week until school reopened, but she didn’t want to be the reason her parents or siblings spent that week laid up with a cold. Charlotte agreed to see how she felt as the day progressed and make a decision that evening, but regretfully, though she did not feel any worse than she had in the morning, neither could she say she noticed any improvement. If anything, her blocked nose became more noticeable as her voice sounded more nasal in the evening, which made her younger siblings laugh and her parents frown. She even declined to join Alison on their usual perusal of the sales, claiming it was out of an abundance of caution, but in reality because just the thought of walking into the town centre and going to all the shops they usually did made her feel very tired. 

By the evening she was feeling quite sorry for herself and would have happily spent some time cuddled up with Rob and read him stories, except that she didn’t want to pass anything on to him. She still chatted with everyone and joined in most games, but she felt she must have been poor company and was only glad that James was getting on so well with her family, playing plenty of games with her siblings and even joining her mum in the kitchen in the afternoon, so she didn’t have to feel bad about not spending any one-on-one time with him. 

Her more sombre mood continued on the morning of the twenty-eighth; she had held out a slight hope that she might wake and miraculously feel improved enough to stay, but though she still didn’t feel like she normally did when ill, her nose was very much still blocked and so Charlotte packed up her things to return to university. 

She always had mixed emotions when saying goodbye to her family, and it hit her harder that morning when Rob and Sophia complained that she had not yet done all the things she had promised to do with them while at home, her promise that she would make it up to them in the Easter holiday doing little to abate their disappointment. The two people most disappointed about that morning’s departure, however, were Will and Oliver—not at their sister’s leaving though. Charlotte was torn between annoyance and amusement when they gave her the briefest of hugs goodbye before lamenting that James’ could no longer play their video game with them.

They left not long after breakfast, but as they had been plied with a copious amount of snacks from her parents in addition to the leftover meals they usually gave Charlotte to put in her fridge, she started on one of her chocolate bars shortly into the journey, hoping it would improve her spirits. 

Although she was doing her best not to appear in a sulk, James seemed to notice her mood. She had answered his questions about her health easily, and accepted her thanks for the lift with his usual good humour, noting it wasn’t exactly out of his way, but it must have been apparent that she wasn’t feeling herself when he pressed, “Are you sure you’re feeling okay? If you’re tired I don’t mind if you want to sleep.” 

“No, I’m okay,” she said, catching his eyes and shooting him a grateful smile. “Honestly, apart from the blocked nose I don’t even really feel sick, I just…” She shrugged, but James soon understood.

“Feeling down about leaving?”

Charlotte nodded. “I should probably apologise to you now because I don’t think I’m going to be very good company. I mean, I know it’s the right thing to go back, and cutting my trip short by two days isn’t actually that long, but…”

“They’re your family,” he finished for her. 

“Yeah. I was so excited when I got into uni,” Charlotte said, looking out the window as the places they drove past started to lose their familiarity. “I’d started to kind of feel stuck at home and it had seemed exciting to go somewhere really different and far away. But now sometimes I think it might be nice if it wasn’t quite so difficult to get home. I mean, Bex can go home just for the weekend even—Not that I think I’d go every weekend, but a bit more often would be nice, you know?”

James' eyes remained on the road, but when she finished he nodded. “I get it. I felt the same when I started—home might have been a bit closer for me, but I was just as excited to get away from it. My dad thought I shouldn’t have been wasting the money, said I should just start working, but I thought I knew better.”

Charlotte observed him, taking the opportunity to study his profile since James’ gaze was fixed on the road ahead. “I didn’t think you regretted coming to uni,” she said carefully.

“No, not that, but—” There was a moment of contemplative silence before he finished, “I regret the fights we had about it; the things I kept from him to make it happen.”

“But you patched things up before—” she faltered at saying  _ ‘he died’ _ , but then a moment later scolded herself. It wasn’t as if not saying the words out loud, pretending it hadn’t happened would be any help either. “Before he passed away, didn’t you?” 

“We did,” James confirmed. “But…” He glanced at her briefly, a sad look on his face before returning his gaze to the road. “I guess I just wish we hadn’t taken so long to do it.”

Charlotte nodded in understanding, though soon realised he wouldn’t have noticed. She couldn’t think of the right words so she moved a hand from her lap to rest on his arm and gave it a gentle squeeze. 

He looked her way again, a slight smile in his eyes in gratitude.

She smiled back and their eyes met in understanding for a moment.

“Sorry for bringing the mood down,” he said.

“No, no—I did it first. I told you I wouldn’t be good company!”

He laughed at that, and Charlotte couldn’t help giggling as well. 

When they had recovered from their laughter James suggested she select something cheerier for them to listen to on the drive. Considering the radio station they were tuned into had thus far played only slow, more melancholy tracks she agreed with this suggestion and pulled out her phone. Charlotte hovered over her selection of downloaded playlists for a minute, debating whether she should choose something cool, before settling on her recent favourite—Christmas songs, most of them of the pop genre.

James chuckled when the first tune started playing. “Is it acceptable to play Christmas music when it’s technically after Christmas?” he wondered.

“Of course, it’s still December,” Charlotte said. 

As they drove on they settled into their usual easy banter, which soon helped dispel Charlotte of most of her lingering sadness at leaving home early. Talking with James about some of the plans their friends had already made for the upcoming term made it easier to feel excited about returning to university than dwell on what she was leaving behind. But while she was grateful for this distraction of her thoughts, it couldn’t help but bring to mind another distraction—James himself.

For the last day and a half, she had been making a valiant effort to put the incident of her winding up next to him on the living room floor from her mind. Although she had felt a little flushed at the sight of him at breakfast the previous morning, James hadn’t acted any differently, and following her conversation with her mother it had been easy to concentrate on family time since it would be cut short. Alison had teased her a little the night before when they were getting ready for bed about the ‘quality time’ she would get to spend with James on their road trip back to university, but Charlotte hadn’t betrayed any signs of being flustered by this teasing, and her sister had ceased her remarks after Sophia joined them. 

However, being alone for such a prolonged period of time brought those thoughts right back to the forefront of her mind. 

His concern for her well-being after she had fallen to the ground that evening could easily be construed as friendly. But the way his hand had lingered on her face—the way his eyes had remained on hers—those were perhaps a little too long to be friendly. And though Charlotte wouldn’t have been able to quite articulate the way she felt about him if she had been asked directly, she also couldn’t deny she was curious. 

In her admittedly limited dating experience, she had been friendly with many of the guys she had dated, but she had never gone out with someone she had already considered a close friend before—the kind of friend she would easily invite to a family gathering. She wasn’t entirely sure how that would work. But when James smiled widely at something she said, showing his dimples, Charlotte felt very much that she’d like to find out. 

It was barely four o’clock when James turned into her street, but thanks to the time of year it felt much later given how dark it was already. The residential area was full of student housing so most hadn’t gone to the trouble of decorating the outside, though there were a few with messily strung lights in front gardens. Charlotte’s student house had a simple but elegant wreath on the front door since that had been all she had been able to get Georgiana to agree to for outdoor decorations and it made her smile to see it through her car window when James parked in front of the house. 

As much as she always enjoyed going home to see all her family and was still a little sad to have said a premature goodbye, coming back to her student house did feel like returning home too in its own way. 

When James offered to help Charlotte carry her bags inside, she accepted—not because she particularly needed it with only three bags, but she had a sudden notion that she didn’t want to say goodbye in the car. Of course, the additional task wouldn’t prolong their goodbye significantly. He had picked up two of her bags from the boot before she could reach them, leaving Charlotte to carry the smaller tote bag.

She led them down the path and inside the house. The front door opened directly into their living room and she set her tote bag down by the bottom of their coat stand. Her eyes flickered upwards when she turned in time to notice that James had to duck his head slightly to follow her inside. She tried to tamp down the strange fluttering feeling that sparked within her as he set the larger bags down next to the tote.

“Thanks again,” she said, fiddling with her keys in her hand. “For the drive and everything.”

“Thank  _ you _ ,” he insisted. “I had a really great Christmas.”

“Me too,” Charlotte replied. “Except for leaving early I guess,” she added with a shrug before suddenly shaking her head. “Not that I meant driving with you today was bad—“

He chuckled at her worried face. “I know.”

She giggled, relieved he hadn’t taken it the wrong way. James shoved his hands in his jean pockets and they looked at each other for a moment, and Charlotte couldn’t help but wonder if he, like her, was struggling to think of what to say.

If he did have the same feeling he recovered from it sooner than she did. “What do you think you’ll get up to with your extra days?” he asked. “Are the girls back tomorrow ?”

“No, Georgiana is back the day after, and Bex is back the morning of New Year’s Eve. I’ll probably just make use of having the television all to myself and watch the Christmas movies I didn’t get a chance to at home,” she said. “What about you? Off to the library first thing tomorrow?”

He ducked his head as he laughed lightly, his familiar habit more endearing to her than ever before. “I might do,” he admitted, lifting one shoulder in a half-shrug. “But probably not for long. Um.” he glanced away before adding, “I was thinking you were right the other day—about saying I should take more of a break. So if you want some company for the films or...”

“Oh.” Charlotte smiled softly, her cheeks heating a little. “Yeah. Um. Company would be really nice.”

“Cool.” He smiled back and it seemed somewhat relieved. 

“Um, maybe you could come over after lunch? We could have a movie marathon.” 

He had started to nod before she had finished. “Sure, that sounds good.”

Her stomach flipped when he smiled wider, a cross between nerves and excitement. Of course, she and James had watched plenty of films together in the past, just the two of them, and she couldn’t know for sure that he didn’t mean for tomorrow afternoon to be any different to those times. But there had been an awkwardness in his normally easy manner as he’d suggested joining her that couldn’t help but make her think he did mean it differently. Maybe in a more date-like context, she thought hopefully. 

“Okay, I’ll uh text you in the morning?” he said, taking a step back. 

Charlotte nodded. “Yeah. Sure. See you tomorrow then,” she said. In an attempt to seem much less awkward than she felt Charlotte closed the gap between them to hug him goodbye. 

They’d hugged plenty of times in the past but something about this one felt a little different—not physically but it left her more excited than normal, with a fluttering in her stomach. His jumper was soft against her cheek and his arms around her back felt nice and warm. It did come to her attention that she still couldn’t smell anything, but since she had barely sneezed during their car journey she didn’t think a slightly blocked nose was going to disrupt their plans for the following day. 

After James left, she went straight to her room to unpack but decided that was going to be the only practical task she did that day, despite having a half-full bag of laundry to do thanks to her early departure. Instead, she sat in front of the telly, ate chocolate, and texted Georgiana and Alison. When it came time for dinner she reheated one of the containers of leftovers her mother had packed for her and returned to the television. She had planned on staying up to watch some late programs, but when she started to feel tired, with an increasingly itchy nose, Charlotte decided to go to bed early in the hope she would feel better in the morning. 

How wrong she was. 

Her nose felt far worse than before when she woke up and not only her face but her whole body felt heavy. She wanted to do nothing more than remain laid down, but her parched throat and empty glass forced Charlotte to venture out of her room. 

She pulled on the soft grey blanket she kept folded on the back of her desk chair as, despite the long-sleeve and full-length PJs and fluffy socks she already had on, she was really feeling the cold and held the blanket tightly around herself like a cape as she shuffled to the kitchen.

Her stomach started grumbling as the kettle boiled so she put some toast on, but had barely finished one slice before her appetite left her. She had her hands around her mug of tea, but was inhaling the steam and appreciating its warmth more than she was drinking it. Charlotte was just eyeing her remaining slice of toast, not wanting to waste it but also not feeling like she could stomach it when there was a knock on the door.

She frowned, and her eyes widened in surprise when she looked at the clock. Charlotte hadn’t set an alarm on purpose, but years of being woken up early meant she never slept in that late. She had expected it to be around eight o’clock, maybe eight-thirty, but the clock showed it was actually ten-forty, a time she had never slept in until even when she had tried.

Assuming it was a parcel, Charlotte shuffled herself to the door, feeling no qualms about bringing the faux-cape with her. They’d had the same lady delivering their post for nearly a year now and Katie had seen them answer the door suffering from terrible hangovers or occasionally nights out that had continued into the next day, so she didn’t feel embarrassed to open the door in her current bleary state.

She wished she had reconsidered when she opened the door to find James stood on her front step.

“James?” she squeaked, a result of both her surprise and not having used her voice yet today. “What are you doing here?”

“I sent you a couple of texts about this afternoon; when you didn’t reply I thought I’d check on you,” he said, looking a little embarrassed himself. “It was on my way to the library so...anyway, are you feeling okay?” he asked. She realised from his perusal of her face and the mixed expression on his that some of her illness was apparent on her face, but he was too polite to say so.

Charlotte was struck by the impulse to rid herself of the blanket-cape, but she instead brought it closer to her body, so it slightly covered her already red face, which was undoubtedly growing ever redder with embarrassment.

“Not great,” she admitted. “I feel a lot worse than yesterday. I think I have a cold.” 

“That sucks,” he said sympathetically. 

“I probably can’t do our movie marathon,” she said, the disappointing realisation just coming to mind.

“Don’t worry about it,” he said easily. “Do you need anything? I’m going into campus to get some books from the library, but I was going to get some food on my way back since we don’t have much in. I could get you some—or some medicine?”

“Oh, Um…well, I think we’re okay for food until tomorrow when Georgiana gets back, but I’m not sure about medicine,” she realised. Her mother had given her some vitamins to bring back, but nothing stronger, and she was sure they hadn’t topped up their house stash since Bex had been ill at the beginning of term.

When James offered to pick some up for her Charlotte found herself loosening her hold on the blanket as she was overcome with gratitude, only to hold it tight a moment later. 

She was reluctant to send him on such an errand, but James insisted it wasn’t a problem and since she knew she would need to take something to feel any better Charlotte agreed. 

On her way back to the kitchen she groaned when she caught sight of herself in the mirror. Her red, puffy face and ridiculous tuft of hair sticking out from the back of her head would have been a terrible enough sight on its own, but added to that there was the blanket cape and something that looked suspiciously like a stain on her PJ bottoms, though the busy brussel sprouts print of the fabric perhaps hid that. Not that she wanted James to see her in silly brussel sprout PJs at all. 

However, she didn’t have time to linger on that train of thought. The sneezes which had been few and far between yesterday started to come in fast and going to her bedroom to get her phone to send James a text message asking him to add tissues to the list of things he was buying, only to return immediately to the kitchen when she realised she had left her mug of tea there seemed to zap Charlotte of her strength.

She managed to make it to the living room and sit on the couch to finish off her text and had thankfully set her mug down on the coffee table before she started sneezing again.

The next thing she knew she was sitting up with a start from her place on the couch. Charlotte rubbed her eyes and saw she had turned the television on at some point, but must have dozed off without registering it. She realised it was knocking from outside that had woken her so she managed to pull herself to her feet and head to the front door. 

Although she could feel an uncomfortable crick in her neck from having slept upright on the sofa, she soon became glad of having remained in the living room since the short distance seemed to take her ages and she wouldn’t have wanted to face the walk from her bedroom.

As expected it was James returning, and his face twisted in apparent concern when he saw her. It was hard for her to feel too self-conscious about her appearance this time though because just that short walk left her with the overwhelming urge to lie down again. 

“Hi,” she croaked before clearing her throat.

“Hey,” he replied, worry more evident on his face than before. “Did I wake you?”

“No,” she lied. “I was just lying down.”

James confirmed he’d been able to get the medicine she’d asked for, but as they were in a bag with the rest of his shopping, Charlotte moved back to let him inside to make it easier to get them out. She had only taken two steps before she misjudged her movements and knocked her head against the side of the door. 

“Shit are you okay?” James said, immediately stepping forward and putting a hand behind her head.

“Yeah,” she said even though it throbbed. Her wince must have been obvious as he didn’t seem convinced. “I’m just a bit clumsy,” she said, apologetic. 

“You need to rest,” he said. “Why don’t you go sit down? I’ll sort these out.”

“You don’t need to,” she started, but her next step as she tried to close the door behind him was unsteady, a fact that didn’t escape his notice. “I think I’m just a little drowsy. I was starting to doze off on the couch,” she tried to explain, somewhat hindered by the fact that she sounded increasingly congested and immediately had to turn away from him to sneeze into her sleeve.

When she turned back, James was looking at her with a sternness in his eyes that she didn’t recall seeing from him before, though it didn’t look too severe considering he was holding out a tissue box to her.

“Thank you,” she said as she blew her nose. 

“Here, you take this,” he said, offering the tissue box, “and go to bed. I’ll get the medicine and bring it to you.”

Her instinct was to insist that she could do it herself, but she did feel very tired and his suggestion of her lying down while he took care of the rest sounded very appealing right now. She took the tissue box, turned, and started walking in the direction of her bedroom. As she did so, she remembered she had her mug and blanket by the couch and she changed direction but did this too quickly and made herself dizzy. She was just thinking she would give the blanket in the living room up as a lost cause when she felt a steadying hand on her back and James asked her if she needed help.

She had assumed he had gone straight to the kitchen and the realisation he was still behind her and had observed her unsteady steps made her a little embarrassed—though likely not as embarrassed as she would feel about it when she was recovered. 

“I think I can get there,” she said, though her voice sounded small to her ears.

“Are you sure?” he asked, setting his bag down and moving closer to her. “I can carry you if you want?”

“You can?” she said, her eyebrows raising as she turned her face to look up at him.

He seemed to take this as a request rather than sheer curiosity and shortly Charlotte found herself being lifted sideways so that her face was so close to his she could see a tiny cut on his jaw from shaving. Her cheeks flushed from the close contact, deepening when she observed the firmness of his chest against her, but James didn’t seem to notice as he kept looking ahead as he walked with her in his arms. 

Since she had the ground floor bedroom, it didn’t take long before James had carried her there, not showing any signs of difficulty at having to carry her. He felt very warm and although his jacket wasn’t as soft as his sweater had felt yesterday, she was very comfortable and couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed when he had soon deposited her in her bed.

“Thank you,” she said quietly, suddenly realising she not only hadn’t said anything while he had carried her, but had done nothing but stare at the side of his face. Likely it had only been about thirty seconds they had been walking, but it had felt like much longer.

“No problem,” he replied easily. “I’ll be right back.” 

Feeling the cold she quickly put the tissue box on her side so she could get under the covers after he left and as she slid down the bed she felt her eyelids begin to droop. 

She heard James’ soft call of “Charlotte,” but she didn’t do more than murmur in response until he gently shook her shoulder and she blinked her eyes open. 

“Hey,” he said gently, crouched on the side of her bed. “Sorry, but I think you should take some medicine before you sleep.”

Charlotte nodded in agreement. “I should,” she agreed, but was sluggish in pushing herself upright. 

James held out a glass of water and the card of tablets she had asked for. “I got you some of the sachets too,” he said as she took them, “but I figure that’s better for when you’re more awake.”

She noticed his brow creasing as she took the tablets so she wasn’t surprised when he said after she had swallowed the second one, “Are you sure it’s just a cold?”

“Yeah,” she said, putting the glass on her side table and sliding back down the bed. 

She smiled when he put a hand to her forehead, still frowning. “Don’t worry,” she whispered, though her words were more to her pillow than to James. “I’m sure I’ll feel better after I’ve slept.”

As her curtains were wide open Charlotte saw that it was pitch black outside the next time she was awake. She hadn’t fallen asleep as easily as before, alternately feeling too cold then too warm, mixed with the constant urge to sneeze, but eventually her drowsiness had taken over. Her phone now informed her that it was only four-thirty in the evening, which wasn’t a time she normally ate at but given she had only managed one slice of toast and a few cups of tea all day perhaps it wasn’t surprising that it was her grumbling stomach that woke her. 

As she sat up, she was grateful to realise that she did feel better than she had all day; her nose wasn’t clear by any means but she didn’t feel as weighed down by the cold as she had earlier. Even though she sneezed as soon as she was fully upright and had to use a few of the tissues in her new box, her mental clarity felt improved which had to be a good sign. 

When she looked to her side table she realised James must have refilled her water glass, which made her smile before she took another dose of the medicine. She shuffled out of bed, now feeling a bit gross to have been in the same clothes since last night. Likely what she needed was a shower, but for now she decided to settle on changing some clean sweatpants and a jumper before going to the kitchen.

While dressing she noticed her grey blanket had been brought in from the living room and draped over her duvet, and realised James must have brought it to her when he refilled her water. 

She assumed that was the extent of his kindness, but she came to a start when she found him sitting down at her kitchen table. His shopping bag was on one of the kitchen counters, while his book bag was by his feet; he had rolled up the sleeves of his jumper and was bent over a sketch, a few books lying open on the table. She watched him draw, his brows furrowed in concentration for only a few seconds before he noticed her arrival.

“You’re awake,” he said, putting the pencil down and sitting upright. 

She opened and closed her mouth. “You’re here?” she replied, her confusion apparent despite her soft voice. 

“Yeah,” he said, scratching the side of his face and acknowledging it was a bit weird. “You seemed in a bad way earlier, I thought since no one was here I should stay and check you were okay.” 

“Oh. Thank you.” 

“How do you feel now? You look better.”

“I feel better. Not normal, but better.” Her energy still felt low even if she was more alert so she moved to sit on the chair opposite him rather than remain standing. “Have you been studying?” she asked, lifting one of the textbooks open on the table so she could see the title.

“Yeah. I, uh, also made you some soup.”

She blinked as she took that in, looking over to the hob and noting the large pot was out and the chopping board was draining next to the sink. On meeting his gaze, Charlotte noted he seemed a little flushed and it reminded her of times she had felt embarrassed, but was trying to seem casual still. She warmed at the gesture and bit down on her burgeoning smile. All that she managed to say, however, was, “I didn’t think we had stuff in for soup.”

“I went to the shops, remember? I know you said you had some food in, but I thought since you were sick you might want some soup.” 

“That is really nice, thank you. I am hungry now actually.”

At that, he rose to get her a bowl. Charlotte smiled at his back, watching as he moved to the cupboard with bowls with ease. She supposed he had been over for dinner a fair amount in the fifteen months Charlotte had been living at this house, particularly this term. It was nice to think about him feeling at home in her kitchen. Her happiness faltered when she realised, “But wait what about your food?” He assured her he had enough left to take home, but Charlotte suggested he help himself to some soup while he poured some for her. 

“I’m okay, I had a sandwich at lunch and it’s a little early for dinner.” 

“Right. I guess it’s a weird time to be eating,” she said. 

After assuring her that she should eat whenever she felt like it, he explained where he had put the rest of the medicine he had picked up and asked about Charlotte’s symptoms. It wasn’t long before he placed a steaming bowl of soup in front of her with a spoon. 

Her initial thank you was repeated more gratefully after she had tasted it; the soup didn’t have as much of a kick as the one Georgiana liked to make on cold days, but the mild flavouring was comforting to her palette and the warmth was very welcome. 

“Do you need anything else?” he asked. “Or—I can just get out of your hair.”

“You’re not in my hair,” she said before slurping another mouthful. She likely could fend for herself now, but she also didn’t really want him to leave. Chatting while she ate soup to recover from a cold was a far cry from their original plans, but it would be nice to spend time with him now in this window while she felt alert. “Um...if it’s not too much trouble do you mind staying a bit longer?” she asked.

He shook his head, immediately returning to his seat at the table. “No, it’s no trouble.”

“Cool. So, what project is this design for?” she asked, gesturing to his sketch. She took another mouthful of his soup as he turned it around and started to explain. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed the update. The last chapter will be up later this week. 💕  
> You can find me [here on tumblr](https://useyourtelescope.tumblr.com/post/638150029329285120/where-the-lovelight-gleams-sanditon-fanfiction).


	4. Chapter 4

“What about this one?” Georgiana asked as she held a sparkly blue dress up against her body and examined her reflection in her full-length mirror.

Charlotte, currently sitting cross-legged against the headboard of Georgiana’s bed, considered it for a moment before ultimately deciding she preferred the previous dress they had been looking at.

Georgiana hung the blue dress back in her closet before picking up the vivid yellow one she had draped over a chair. 

“It’s not very festive though,” Georgiana noted.

“But you look amazing in it!” Charlotte said, slightly jealous because she could not pull off that particular shade of yellow half so well as her friend. “You don’t need to look Christmassy on New Year’s Eve anyway,” she finished, a little wistfully since she would not be getting dressed up to party with the rest of her friends that evening.

Georgiana didn’t miss the regretful tone to her voice and turned to face Charlotte with a sympathetic look on her face. “Are you sure you don’t mind being by yourself tonight?”

“I’m sure,” Charlotte said resolutely. Their housemate Bex’s offer to skip New Year’s on Charlotte’s behalf had been rather half-hearted since her boyfriend was the one hosting the house party most of their group planned to attend, but Charlotte knew Georgiana would skip the party and stay at home if she asked her to. She had no intention of asking her friend to do that though; New Year’s was Georgiana’s favourite night out and Charlotte didn’t want her to miss it when she didn’t need to be looked after anymore. Charlotte would likely feel a little sorry for herself about being at home alone nearer midnight, but she’d get over it.

Charlotte had improved a lot since sleeping most of the day away on the twenty-ninth of December, but she was still feeling too lethargic to go out to a party—especially not one where the intention was to stay up until after midnight. Bex had suggested Charlotte join them at the start for an hour or two and come home early, but Charlotte knew that once she was at the party with everyone having fun she would feel too tempted to push on and stay, and then inevitably regret that decision later when she was too tired to continue but not able to get a taxi home. 

Staying home was the sensible decision and Charlotte had decided at the start of her third and final year of university that she would be making more sensible decisions. She might just pout about it a little when she was alone. 

“Why don’t you try it on?” Charlotte suggested, changing the subject. “Then we can figure out how to accessorise it to make it more festive.”

Georgiana nodded in agreement and started taking the dress off its hanger just as Charlotte’s phone beeped to alert her of a new message.

She smiled instantly when she saw the message from James asking how she was doing.

He’d ended up staying with her for an hour after she’d finished eating her soup the other night, though she would have been happy for him to have stayed much. After discussing the sketch he had been working on for his assignment, their conversation had drifted to other topics relating to their final year of university. Some had been amusing, like the crazy ideas his housemate Joe had shared with him that morning for the party he wanted to throw for his birthday, but they had gone on to other more stressful subjects, like needing to start looking for a full-time job while they would still be studying for exams and working on their final assignments. Charlotte had assumed James would have it easier than her since his Architecture degree gave him a specific career path whereas she was still undecided, but he was concerned that the firms he wanted to apply to were quite competitive. 

However, when he confirmed that he intended to stay in the area after graduation, rather than move to London or somewhere bigger, Charlotte found herself feeling relieved. She and Georgiana had already decided to get a flat together after graduation, and she’d been happy to know that James would likely still be around then too—that was true regardless of whether anything happened between them or not, but she hadn’t been able to help noting it meant she wouldn’t have to be so worried about the future if they did start something.

Of course, that was all dependent on whether he got a job, but considering their potential relationship was entirely hypothetical as well, it hadn’t seemed like the time to worry about it.

James had been so kind to her that day, but he hadn’t made any suggestion that his actions were anything other than friendly—at least she didn’t think so. Her brain had been a little foggy after all, but considering her embarrassing, unwashed appearance and snotty nose, it seemed highly unlikely. 

For a while, she had disguised the fact that she was growing uncomfortable sitting on the hard kitchen chair because she hadn’t wanted him to leave, but when her fatigue had started to show on her face James had insisted she lie down again. 

Even then he’d made sure she was comfily set up on the couch before leaving, fetching her grey blanket from her bedroom, and when he crouched down next to her and asked if there was anything else she wanted the thought popped into her mind that she very much wanted to bury her face in his sweater-clad chest. Out loud she had only answered in the negative and he had smiled and squeezed her arm gently before leaving, with a reminder to text him if that changed.

Although she hadn’t had any need to text him that night, he had messaged her the following morning to check-in, even offering to come round again if she needed anything while she was on her own, but as Georgiana had been returning before lunch Charlotte had explained she wouldn’t be on her own for long and, not without regret, said he didn’t need to come over. She had been glad to see Georgiana of course, and given Charlotte had then spent much of the day with a tissue to her face to catch her sneezes it was probably for the best that James wasn’t around to witness that, but having spent so much time together since Christmas Eve, she noticed the absence of his presence more. 

She responded to his latest message to confirm she was much improved since he had seen her the other day, but felt she would be too tired to join them all for the New Year’s Eve celebrations that evening, and was going to finally have her movie marathon instead.

He replied instantly to say he was glad she was feeling better even if she couldn’t go out, but as she noticed he was still typing after the message came through Charlotte kept her phone in her hands. He paused a couple of times, but it wasn’t long before she received the next message, and this one made her cheeks flush.

“What’s the matter?” 

Charlotte jerked her head up and found Georgiana looking expectantly at her. “Huh?”

Georgiana had removed her skirt and jumper, leaving herself in just her vest top and thick leggings, but looked in no hurry to put her dress on as she considered Charlotte. “You’ve just been staring at your phone, what’s up? Did you get a weird message?” 

“No, um, not weird.” Charlotte cleared her throat. “James just messaged to ask how I was.”

“Okay…” 

“I told him I wasn’t feeling up to the party so he asked if I, uh, wanted company,” Charlotte said quickly.

Georgiana’s eyes sparkled. “I knew it!” she said triumphantly.

Charlotte’s brows furrowed. “You knew what?”

“When you told me about him coming over the other day, you were all ‘ _ oh, he was just being a good friend _ ’, but I knew there was more to it than that,” she said, suggestively raising her eyebrows. 

“No,” Charlotte insisted. “He didn’t do anything that could have remotely resembled making a move on me.”

“Well, obviously,” Georgiana said, undeterred. “If you looked anything like you did when I got here yesterday, I’m not surprised. You were working this whole red, puffy face, full of cold thing—not your best look.”

Charlotte covered her face with a hand in embarrassment. “Was it really that bad?”

“Clearly not if he wants to come bang you tonight.”

“Georgiana!” she exclaimed, but she couldn’t help a giggle at the silly expression on her friend’s face.

“Well? You have a little bit of a crush on him now, don’t you?” Georgiana asked, expectant.

“Maybe,” Charlotte said quietly, but Georgiana didn’t approve of half-answers. “Okay, yes, I do.” 

“Since he swept you up in his arms and carried you to your bed?” she asked, a dreamy quality to her voice.

“It wasn’t like  _ that _ ,” Charlotte said, laughing, though she did flush slightly at the memory of his strong arms holding her close and carefully. 

“Then?”

“I don’t know exactly. I guess we’ve just been spending a lot of time together and it’s been really great and he’s cute and…” Charlotte shrugged somewhat helplessly. “I know it might be weird, dating a friend, but I also think it might be really nice?”

Georgiana’s look softened and she nodded. “Then what’s the problem?”

“I don’t know if he feels the same way. Maybe he just offered to come over to be a nice friend.”

“You’re not  _ that  _ close,” Georgiana dismissed. “Or at least you haven’t been before. Getting you some meds when no one else is around is one thing, but all the other stuff? Especially offering to skip the party tonight, I mean, it’s New Year’s Eve! I live with you and I only said I’d stay in with you because I was being nice, not because I really want to.”

“Hey!” Charlotte pouted, though it was only in mock-hurt.

“You know what I mean,” she said, putting her dress aside to join Charlotte on the bed. She had only sat down for a moment before changing her mind saying, “No, wait, I’m too cold,” and standing to pull her jumper back on. “He’s not got any obligation to come over if he didn’t really want to come. Possibly in both ways,” she added with a smirk

“Oh my God,” Charlotte groaned, torn between amusement and embarrassment. 

“You didn’t say much yesterday about Christmas,” Georgiana noted a little more seriously as she perched by Charlotte’s side. “Did anything happen between you while you were at your folks’?”

“Um, no,” Charlotte began, but Georgiana saw right through that, so she continued, “I kinda fell.”

“Right into his arms?” Georgiana finished for her.

“No,” Charlotte said, laughing. “Next to him on the floor.”

“Ooooh.”

She explained the details of her fall briefly before saying, “It wasn’t anything serious, he was just checking I was okay but he kind of, um, touched my cheek.”

“How risque,” Georgiana said dryly, earning a shove from her friend. “Did he look deep into your eyes too? Oh wait, he did?” she added with more excitement than droll when Charlotte didn’t reply immediately.

“Not like that, but...I don’t know it felt like a moment. And when we made our plans to watch movies together the other day, he seemed a little awkward about it. Like not the casual kind of question if you’re just asking a friend to hang out, you know?”

“More like if you’re feeling out whether someone you like is interested in you too?” Georgiana suggested.

“Maybe,” Charlotte said. It had felt like it, but Sidney had been so confident about that kind of thing, as had the other guys she’d been on dates with so she didn’t have a lot to compare it to. “I just wish I knew what he was thinking.”

“Probably that you’re not interested at all since you haven’t replied to his message,” Georgiana noted. 

Charlotte took in a sharp breath as she realised James would have seen that she had read his message, but had yet to reply. She quickly picked up her phone and typed out an enthusiastic response. “Don’t look at me like that,” she added at Georgiana’s interested look. 

“Well? Is it a date?” she asked.

As James did not leave her hanging the way she had him, Charlotte soon confirmed that he would be coming over that evening. “But he did not use the word date.”

Georgiana just rolled her eyes as she stood up and went to the open doorway. “It’s totally a date, come on,” she said, gesturing to Charlotte to follow her out the room.

“Where are we going?” Charlotte wondered. “Aren’t we going to accessorise your dress?”

Georgiana waved a hand in the air. “We both know you’re way more indecisive than me, we need to pick what you’re wearing tonight first.”

“But I can’t get dressed up,” Charlotte insisted. “If James really is just coming over as a friend, I have to look casual!”

“Do you want to be so casual you’re in sweatpants and a ratty hoodie?” Georgiana countered, with a sceptical look at the clothes Charlotte had on now.

“Okay, fair point,” Charlotte agreed and got up from the bed to follow her.

It didn’t take them all day to choose an outfit, but given that Charlotte still needed to rest in the afternoon—especially now she had incentive to stay up later in the evening than she might have otherwise—she did feel like the day went by very quickly.

She tried not to show her nerves as the girls got ready to go out, but she could feel butterflies in her stomach by the time James knocked on the front door that evening. Much to Georgiana’s annoyance Charlotte had purposely arranged for James to arrive only after the girls had left so they couldn’t make any teasing remarks in his presence—not that it had stopped them from doing so before they left—but she had still helped Charlotte get ready for the evening, even curling Charlotte’s hair into soft waves. 

Charlotte ran a finger through the curls as she gave herself a quick once over in the mirror. She had opted for a loose dark green sweater dress over leggings in the end, something that was comfortable and casual but still slightly put-together. Anything would look more put together than what James had seen her in the other day, but she wanted to strike the right balance between looking nice and not trying too hard. 

Any concerns about her appearance melted when she opened the door though. James never dressed badly, but given he only lived ten minutes away he had come over plenty of times in the past looking far more casual than he did in his grey jumper and black jeans. It also seemed like he had paid attention to the styling of his hair and Charlotte’s fingers itched with the need to touch the curls, but she ignored the sensation, putting both her hands on the doorframe. “Hey.”

“Hey,” he replied, his smile widening so she could see his dimples. He was really, really cute. “You look good—Well, I mean. And good too—uh,” he cleared his throat, suddenly looking uncomfortable, and Charlotte couldn’t help a giggle.

His obvious nerves somehow made her feel much more at ease. She took pity on him and asked after the bag in his hand. 

“I thought I’d bring some snacks,” he said.

“Thanks,” she replied, stepping back to let him inside. “Though you didn’t have to do that, we’ve got lots of snacks.” 

“That’s alright,” he replied, following her into the kitchen as he explained that some of what he had brought were unwanted offerings from a hamper his housemate Joe had won. After placing the bag on the kitchen table he pulled out two beers and then an orange-coloured sparkling drink that she didn’t recognise. “Joe didn’t want it, but I thought you might like it if you’re not drinking much yet,” he said, as he offered it to her. 

“It looks great, thanks,” Charlotte said after she had studied the label. “What’s in the box?” she added when she noticed the container. 

To her surprise he looked somewhat sheepish at this; she was certain his cheeks were pinked from more than just the winter chill when he opened the box.

“Brownies?” Charlotte said, excited.

“Your mum gave me her recipe while we were there, so—”

Charlotte only realised her mouth had dropped open when James stopped talking after his eyes landed on her face. She composed her expression, hoping she wasn’t making him feel embarrassed. “They look great, thank you.”

“I think some of them caught a little,” he said, a tad apologetic, “But I tried one, and I think they taste pretty close to the ones your mum made on Boxing Day—though I’m sure you’ll be the judge of that.”

“I will. Though honestly, I think it’s hard to go wrong with a chocolate brownie,” she said. “I feel a little bad that you  _ baked  _ and I just have leftover Christmas snacks.”

“It’s not a big deal. Brownies are pretty easy, and you haven’t been well,” he said. “You look a lot better today though.”

“Yeah, I feel loads better, I just get tired so I knew I couldn’t handle a party,” she explained.

James nodded. “That makes sense.”

Given the effort he had put in, both with his appearance and actually bringing something he made, Charlotte felt more confident that he might be into her too. However, he didn’t seem in any rush to say so, and she didn’t know how to navigate that. She had never been the one to make the first move with a guy before and the thought that she might have to made her nervous again. 

After awkwardly returning his easy smile she suggested they take their preferred drinks and snacks to the couch. It was a little easier at first since she didn’t have to meet his eyes anymore, but then once he had sat down while Charlotte was getting the remote for the television she realised the question of how close to sit next to each other opened up a new can of worms. She didn’t want to be too forward and sit right next to him, but she didn’t want to burrow into the opposite side of the couch and send the wrong message either. She opted for leaving about a person’s worth of space between them and started pressing buttons on the remote. 

It didn’t take them long to decide on what movie they wanted to watch first, but Charlotte knew once she was done with her task of starting it she would likely start to feel nervous again if she didn’t keep the conversation flowing.

“So—”

She stopped abruptly when James started to speak at the same time. They caught each other’s eye and laughed.

“Sorry, what were you going to say?” he said, turning slightly to look at her.

Charlotte smoothed down the bottom of her jumper dress, slightly wishing he had gone first, but said, “I just wanted to say thanks. It’s really nice of you to come over instead of going to the party with everyone else.”

She tilted her body to match his and felt warm at the fondness in his smile. 

“You don’t have to thank me for that,” he said. “I, uh, I really like hanging out with you.”

Charlotte bit down on a smile. “Me too. But, also, thanks for looking after me the other day.”

James insisted no thanks were needed for that either, first reminding her that it wasn’t any trouble, not to mention she had already thanked him.

“I know, but it—I appreciated it.” She took a deep breath before admitting, “No one has ever really looked after me like that before.” At his curious look, she turned further to her side, stopping when she realised it made their knees touch, but as he didn’t pull away she didn’t either. She glanced away for a moment before explaining, “There were always so many of us at home...I mean, you saw what it was like,” she acknowledged. “And I’m the eldest so…” She shrugged one shoulder in nonchalance, but the look in his eyes became knowing.

“I’m sure if I’d ever come down with anything serious they would have,” she added quickly. “But if it was just a cough or a cold I kind of just had to deal with it myself.” She let out a deep breath and let herself enjoy the warmth in his gaze. “It was nice to have someone looking after just me. So, thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” he said, with more feeling than when he had said it the other night. “I—I was glad I could be there for you.”

His cheek was against the couch just like hers, neither of them looking at the screen though Charlotte could hear the music for the title sequence coming through the television. When his eyes dropped to her parted lips she was sure he was going to lean in, but instead, he remained in place, his eyes returning to meet hers. 

The anticipation built within her, but soon it got too much and Charlotte couldn’t stop herself from blurting out, “Are you going to kiss me?”

His intent look morphed into a wide grin. “I’ve been thinking about it.”

“You don’t have to keep  _ thinking  _ about it,” she said pointedly. 

He chuckled in response and it drew a giggle from herself as well, dispelling any remaining tension.

“Yeah?” he asked, a hopeful note in his voice.

“Yeah,” she confirmed with a nod, tilting her head up. 

He leaned in then slowly—still too slowly for her liking. She appreciated the close-up of his eyelashes before she gave in to the earlier urge to touch his hair, pulling him close for a kiss. 

It wasn’t fireworks, but it was sweet and tender and as James brought his hand to her face and deepened the kiss she felt the same kind of excitement she did when she stayed up on New Year’s Eve as a child, the happiness of a new beginning. 

Fireworks were, however, what interrupted them—the unexpected bang from outside jerking their faces apart. A glance out the window confirmed someone had decided to start their fireworks early, and Charlotte looked back at him with a rueful smile on her face, but he looked perfectly happy, his thumb gently stroking her cheek still. 

“So this is a date, right?” Charlotte confirmed.

“Well, I’d like to take you out on a proper date when you’re up for going out,” he said, that boyish smile bright on his face. “But yeah, I—I really like you, Charlotte.”

Something about the way he said her name made her flush.“I really like you too." They were silent for a moment, their grins matching each other. Then, Charlotte added, "Also, I like to cuddle.”

James chuckled. “Fine by me.”

Charlotte moved so that she was sitting right next to him as she set the movie to start playing again from the beginning, and James responded by positioning his arm to rest on her shoulders.

“I’m probably going to fall asleep before midnight,” she informed him. “Don’t take it personally.”

“I won’t,” he said, amused. “Will that be my cue to leave?”

“No,” she said quickly, nuzzling her face into his chest and enjoying the soft scratch of his blue sweater against her cheek. “Will you wake me up when it’s the New Year?” 

“Of course.” 

She turned her gaze to the television, smiling when he pressed a kiss into her hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it, you can let me know below or on the tumblr post [here](https://useyourtelescope.tumblr.com/post/638150029329285120/where-the-lovelight-gleams-sanditon-fanfiction).💕   
> I am still working on some of the other fics for this ship I previously mentioned [here](https://useyourtelescope.tumblr.com/post/629721179662516225/help-me-choose-my-next-longfic), I hope to have one up in a few months.  
> Finally, Happy New Year! Here's to a better 2021 💕


End file.
